Why Self-Love Feels So Hard (And How to Make It Easier)

We’re told to love ourselves, be confident, set boundaries and own our worth but the truth?

Self-love doesn’t always feel easy.

And if you’ve ever struggled to feel truly kind to yourself, you’re not broken. You’re not failing. You’re human and you’re not alone. So… why does self-love feel so hard sometimes?

We were taught to put others first

From a young age, many of us were praised for being “good girls.” Helpful. Kind. Easygoing. We learned that being selfless = being loved.

Somewhere along the way, we started believing that loving ourselves was selfish.That taking care of everyone else was the “right” thing to do and our own needs quietly slipped to the bottom of the list.

We confuse self-love with perfection

Self-love isn’t about always feeling confident or having it all figured out but that’s often what we see online - highlight reels, wellness checklists, flawless routines.

So when we feel anxious, messy, emotional, or disconnected we think we’re doing it wrong. But here’s the truth: self-love isn’t something you “achieve.” It’s something you return to, over and over, especially on the hard days.

People-pleasing keeps us stuck

If you’ve spent years saying yes when you meant no, dimming your light to avoid conflict, or needing others' approval to feel okay - know this: You were simply trying to feel safe.

People-pleasing is a survival strategy, not a character flaw but it can disconnect you from your truth and the more you abandon yourself to please others, the harder it is to hear your own needs, desires, and intuition.

So… how do we start making self-love feel easier?

1. Start with self-acceptance, not self-improvement

Instead of trying to “fix” yourself, try meeting yourself with compassion. Tell yourself "I’m doing the best I can today. It’s okay to feel this way." Let that be enough.

2. Set loving boundaries

Boundaries aren’t walls. They’re bridges back to yourself. Every time you say no to something that drains you, you say yes to your own well-being.

3. Make space for your own voice

Journaling. Meditation. Movement. Stillness.These are simple ways to come home to yourself - to hear your own truth beneath the noise of the world.

4. Surround yourself with support

You don’t have to do it alone. Self-love deepens when we’re witnessed, supported, and reminded that we’re worthy just as we are.

That’s why I create spaces - like Women's Circles, retreats and other offerings, where women can reconnect with themselves and each other. Because healing happens in community and self-love grows stronger when it’s shared.

You are not too much.You are not falling behind.You are worthy of your own love - even on the days it feels far away. And the more you practice meeting yourself with gentleness, the easier it becomes.

Keep coming back. Your heart is listening.

'

Mel x